The Sunday Short: Volume 2, Issue 1

Even though the ability to use the word ‘frequency’ to describe The Sunday Short is debatable, I’ve decided that Volume 1 is finished. After roughly two years at it I’ve really only posted fifteen of them, though it always feels like more, and I’d like to move into a new chapter with the shorts. Will they look or feel different? I’m not sure, I just feel that mentally the division might motivate some. Here goes…

——————————
Shuteye
– Gabe Thexton
——————–

His face itched. He reached to scratch and found that it was against the floor. He cranked an eyelid open. Carpet bit into his eyeball. He slammed the eyelid shut. Carpet is why his face itched. He was on his side, he rolled onto his back. Slowly he scratched his right cheek. Slower he opened his eyes. The ceiling had repetitive rainbows of painted plaster, it had a crack in the far corner. His eyes traced down the wall. They stopped at a black frame, traced it, focused and took in the painting that it held. He shut his eyes, he was in pain. Floor, carpet, why was he here? He patted his chest, he had a shirt on, it had buttons, they were intact. He checked lower, his pants were on, there was a hole below the left pocket, that was right. There was light. Was it artificial? No, real, it was daytime. Why was he here? He rolled onto his left side, something was there, under him. He reached for it and was startled into a sitting position when it burst into a shortened rendition of ‘In Da Club’. His cell phone.
“Hello?”
“Mark?” He had to think.
“Uhh, yeah.” He was pretty sure.
“Hey, it’s Jessie from work…” Mark shot from a sitting position to standing before the ‘k’ sound had completely exited her lips.
“Oh, Crap, I’ll be right there.” His mind was whirling, his heart thudding, what to do first?
“Did I wake you up? Calm down Mark, you’re not late or anything.” Whirling even more now.
“Oh, Umm, Yeah, so… What’d you want?” Less thudding. His toes registering the carpet, how soft it felt there as opposed to in his eye.
“I just wanted to know if you wanted to go to the Guitar Stand tonight and see Toadish play.” No whirling, no thudding, soft carpet, more awareness, more thought.
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll go, who all’s going?”
“Well… just me, and you of course, if you’re coming.” Whirling again, Jessie, Toadish, Guitar Stand, just her, date. Date. Jessie date.
“Absolutely, I’m coming. Do you want me to pick you up?”
“Really? Sure, that’d be great.” There was a shyness in her voice.
“Cool, what time should I be there?”
“In an hour, does that work?”
“Yeah, sure, see ya then.”
“Mmk, you remember how to get here?”
“Yeah.”
“OK, well, ok, bye.”
“See ya in’n hour.”

Whirling Thudding Showering Shaving Thinkingabouteating Dressing Thudding Driving Turning Texting Unlocking Watching

She came down the drive. She got in the car. They looked at eachother and smiled. He told her how hard it was to get the carpetface off in the shower, he showed her his red eye.

“Must’ve been some nap.” She said.

—————————————-

UPDATE, 12:21am day of original post: I might’ve just had a stroke of brilliance. I’ve been stuck on the chapbook idea for a while now because I can’t decide on the poems to include. Forget the poems for now, I’m gonna do The Sunday Short: Volume 1. I am stoked to the nines now. So much for sleep…

Seriously, haven’t I been sick enough?

Sinus infection.
I have missed more work this winter than I have EVER anywhere, and it’s beginning to bother me because I’m afraid that I’m beginning to look like just another average employee. It’s really frustrating.

Spent a majority of the evening watching lip sync videos on the internet with Todd and Micah, honestly I can watch those for hours on end, linking from one related video to another and another and so on.

I haven’t been writing much lately (has something to do with mental business methinks) and it’s beginning to bother me.
Huh?
What’s that?
A Sunday Short?
Hrm, just might be a good idea.
Consider yourself warned.

Also note that this is my first post with Labels, I hope to sometime go back and add labels to my archives as to make them more accessible (for myself as well as you).

Mid-Upgrade

Things are a-changin’ I’m finally upgrading my blogs to the new blogger. Bear with me as I learn the tricks and tweaks…
Suggestions always welcome, but not always acted upon, hehe.

Doyouthinkhesaurus Rex

I heard someone talking yesterday, and they said that they had been really ‘mentally busy’ lately.
“How ridiculous.” I mumbled.
But then I got to thinking, and to be honest, that’s me.
I feel like I’ve been extremely busy of late, but when I look back each week it feels as though I have accomplished nothing, physically that is. And it’s true, I haven’t had ‘plans’ per-se, or been out (aside from the standard holiday traditions) much. I have just been thinking a great deal, and it leaves me exhausted. Thusly I feel busy, and in a sense I am busy.

No pain, no gain,
And with a brain in this much pain,
It’s hard to get blogging again,
I could use a few runs on Mary Jane…

Setting

I guess this could be part of the first post (If you haven’t read it yet, scroll down a bit and do so, it might clear some things up), but it isn’t, so I’ll just have to go on…

Those of you who know me might be asking yourselves (or me) why I am doing this. You might be afraid for me, excited for me, confused, angry, etcetera. So I think I’ll do what I can to address those kinds of emotions…

– Fear: You probably are afraid for me if you come from the same background that I do. You’re probably thinking ‘He’s going to go off searching and fall away’. – Pardon the phrase, but, fear not. I still believe that the Bible is true, I’m just searching for verification. If someone says that they believe that Vanilla ice-cream tastes good, then you would expect them to eat it, or to at least not be afraid to eat it. If you believe something to be true, then verification should be expected.
– Excitement: You are probably going through somewhat of a similar experience. You have questions about your beliefs and would be glad to have someone to question them with. – I honestly don’t know how helpful I can or will be, but I for sure am willing to participate in these conversations. Just know that I will likely only pitch in when the conversation deals with where I am currently at, otherwise I’ll just listen and absorb.
– Confused: You don’t know what I believe and/or why I’m questioning it. You don’t know what you believe. You believe something but have never questioned it. – Read along for a bit and give it a chance, maybe you’ll find something interesting.
– Angry: This isn’t right, why would someone do this? What on earth is this guy thinking? – I have no idea what’s going on in your head. Tell me and we can talk about it.
– Etcetera: This one’s really open, it’s for all the reactions that I can’t have guessed at. – It gets a repeat answer. I have no idea what’s going on in your head. Tell me and we can talk about it.

Now as to why I’m doing this? It seems to be coming at me from several directions, and to be honest, I don’t know that I can pin it all down while I’m in the middle of it (who can say what the whole earth looks like without having a view from above it?). But I will do my best to show you how it started, hopefully that will help.

I was born and raised in Denver, and at the age of 19 decided to move to Portland, Oregon. While I was in Portland I attended a large evangelical ‘Community Church’. It was while I was there that I first began to feel some sort of dis-connect with ‘the church’, I wasn’t quite sure what it was, but I knew that I sure felt more comfortable in smaller groups, legitimate communities. I didn’t really pay any attention to it at the time, and forced myself to continue with what had become my standard practices (go to church, help with youth, help with media).

About two years later I moved to Florida. Life there was so crazy that I was desperate to find something that resembled my blanket (refer to post1 for the Peanuts/Linus analogy), and I forcefully plugged myself into another evangelical church. While there I found that the general environment was extremely impersonal, and soon found that the place that I really felt comfortable was among a smaller group of peers. Florida didn’t last long for a number of reasons, and I soon found myself back home in Denver.

Home-bittersweet-home. When I came back to Denver, I became disillusioned almost immediately. What happened? I tried to go back to all the places that I had been, all of the large evangelical churches. I was ignoring what I had already begun to learn about myself, that I needed smaller, more intimate community, and it wasn’t long before I gave up on ‘going to church’ entirely. But although I had given up mentally, I still made physical efforts, and it was through this that I ended up trying out a bible study with my sister and a friend.

One Tuesday night, almost exactly a year ago, the three of us ventured into the basement of a suburban household, and I entered the small community that now means everything to me. As we sat in that study, I realized that I was amongst a group of people that were truly seeking truth. I realize how cliche that must sound, but it isn’t. I had found a group that was willing to say “This is where I am now, but I’m not entirely sure it’s right, so I want to find out.”. I was blown away.

Now I live with two of the guys from that group, and when you live with someone, you end up having conversations with them, and when you have conversations they tend to run on and on like this sentence, and you eventually (or immediately) get to the ‘-ies’ (ideologies, philosophies, theologies and other-ies). And that’s where I am right now. I’ve been living with these two for a few months now, and for most of it I’ve just been listening. Now I’m going to talk. I don’t know that I really have anything solid to say yet, but I do hope that my thoughts might make more sense to me if I write them down, and that they might find some worth in your mind.

Initialism

I think I’ll start with what you need to know…

Dumb Internet Information:
A/S/L: 24/M/Denver, CO, USA

Slightly More Important Information:
Religion: Christian
Denomination: Raised Baptist, Later Evangelical.
Basic Belief: The Bible is True…

… and there’s where I get into why this blog is even going to exist…

I believe that the Bible is true, I really do, but where I’m beginning to struggle with it is why I believe it to be true. The only answer that I have at the moment is that I believe it because I was raised to believe it. Honestly, that’s not good enough for me anymore.

I tend to think in analogies, so I’ll start with one (and get used to it, I’m gonna do it regularly). Being raised with something, you tend to become attached to it, and I am for sure attached to what I was raised with. I feel like Linus in the Peanuts comic. I am the dude running around with his ’security blanket’ of beliefs. I was taught these things from day one, and they are comfortable to me, they are what I turn to when I feel challenged or confused or scared. This kind of Christianity that I was raised in is my blanket, and I keep it with me at all times. But of late I’ve come to realize that this blanket is old, it was there before I was (It was given to me on day 1, so it had to exist before I did). I’m not saying that old is bad, all you have to do is watch ‘Antiques Roadshow’ for an example of that. What I’m saying is that although I’ve called this ‘my’ blanket, it came before I did, and thus, someone else made it. The ideologies, philosophies, theologies and other-ies that I have always called mine, actually come from others.

Now, that doesn’t make them inherently good or bad, it just means that as I have grown more aware of them, I realize that I have just taken them for granted, at face value, and have never verified them.

So now I am embarking on a journey to verify my beliefs, and I have decided to journal this trip publicly.

Join me?

porque, porque?

can’t … stop … creating … blogs … read ‘Confessions of a Modern Postmodern’ @ mopomo.blogspot.com it’s about a journey to verify my beliefs.
———-

I had something else to say, but honestly, I totally forgot.

———

words…

we are the fruit of where we came from,
we bear a seed within,
we’ve fallen to the ground,
and planting must begin,

but we are fruit with legs,
aren’t orphaned where we fall,
we can plant in other shade,
if we choose shade at all.

Something New

I just thought that I would share something new with you all. You can read it on one of my blogs. ssmarks-crazy.blogspot.com . Tell me what you think.

Brown people started there…

words…
(this poem is inspired by and borrows from another artists work… read it here)

My mind is an open book, in a tongue that no-one speaks,
And the words I choose to use are often seen as leaks,
Stared at with a cocked head like rusty wagon creaks,
About as confusing as American food with leeks,
A misunderstanding that sends tears sliding down my cheeks,
And as the bee does the dance to find the nectar he seeks,
So I twist and contort, mute and pointing for weeks,
Unwillingly inflicted with the inheritance of the meeks.
———-

unword of the day: blogligation (if you can’t figure out what that one means, you don’t know anything about me)

Monday’s ‘Music that I Met this week’:
thanks to a mixtape (what do you call a mix-ed cd? ’cause that’s what it really is) from C. Z.
Panjabi MC
Lamb (specifically a track called Gabriel)
Damien Rice (no comments on how late to the game I am on this one)

==========
smughug out

The Vestibule! The Vestibule!

- Thanks to all of you who commented on the last two posts. As much as I tend to stay away from ‘issues’ blogging, it was really interesting to see that when I did go there a conversation happened. I like that, and it just might free me to go there a little more often (not that I would ever forsake what I’ve been doing already, that is what I love). Thanks again.

- Braggadocio in 3…2…1… If you watch the Nuggets game tomorrow (and you should) you’ll probably see OtherSteve and I about four rows back from the court (which is why you should watch) that is all.

I don’t know what this means exactly, but I really like it:

Samson by Regina Spektor

You are my sweetest downfallI loved you first, I loved you firstBeneath the sheets of paper lies my truthI have to go, I have to goYour hair was long when we first met

Samson went back to bedNot much hair left on his headHe ate a slice of wonder bread and went right back to bedAnd history books forgot about us and the bible didn't mention usAnd the bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfallI loved you first, I loved you firstBeneath the stars came fallin' on our headsBut they're just old light, they're just old lightYour hair was long when we first met

Samson came to my bedTold me that my hair was redTold me I was beautiful and came into my bedOh I cut his hair myself one nightA pair of dull scissors in the yellow lightAnd he told me that I'd done alrightand kissed me 'til the mornin' light, the mornin' lightand he kissed me 'til the mornin' light

Samson went back to bednot much hair left on his headAte a slice of wonderbread and went right back to bedOh, we couldn't bring the columns downYeah we couldn't destroy a single oneAnd history books forgot about usAnd the bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfallI loved you first

good stuff, and now..

words…

I have a star-stamp on my hand, and and empty zippo in my pocket…
Who would have ever thought that the social cigarette would land me,
A freebie,
From a cutie,
With a tablet PC,
Best survey I ever took, shortest one too,
Steve, then I, then Cuyler and Arthur too,
What fun, twas fun to be had, where the neighborhood trio of dogs gathered
And the Twenty-Eight-Something Blonde
Wavered from laughter to tears,
And we laughed over our beers,
While 3.7 seconds won, on the TV, in front of me,
And In-audible dub-overs leapt stones, on the TV, behind me,
And the Thirty-three-hundred block of thisThirty-second street.
I bussed and walked to meet,
Sociality, Congeniality, and three friends who listen to more Metal than I.
———-

Somewhat tired of trying, and falling short
Thoughts of quitting, like a poor sport
Something doesn’t like that, and retorts
Trying is all you have.
Giving is all you’ve got.
Struggling to stand,
Quitting is not,
Allowed.
———-

Listening to some bonus tracks,
wondering how they became that,
Worthy of the recording wax,
but still thrown in the extras hat,
and for Pete’s sake, why isn’t this one on the radio?
———-

Alphabetical
Beginning
Crawling
Downward
Except
For
Growth
Hormones
In
Juice
Koolaid
Laying
Morosely
Near
Outdoor
Porches
Quietly
Resting
Seeking
The
Undisturbed
Vacuum
Within
Xenophobia
You
Zealot

I think I’m done for the evening.
Go listen to some Regina Spektor if you haven’t yet.